


The One In Four

by Spacejoth



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Gay, M/M, Plenty of sexuality headcanons are injected, The beta kids are gay, really gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacejoth/pseuds/Spacejoth
Summary: Dave wakes up his friends for a very important discussion.





	The One In Four

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a conversation from the Rosemary Shrine on Discord which can be found here. https://trashamirite.tumblr.com/post/161880748152/whoa-its-a-rosemary-discord-server  
> If you highly adore RoseMary go join its great there.

“Ladies and gent you are all gathered here today for a very important discussion.”  
“Dave its 3 AM.”  
“Jade, this discussion must be secret and held only under the shadows of the sky”  
“What the fuck? “  
“Hush John the cool people are talking. “  
“Can I go home now? “  
“Quiet Lalonde. “  
“Maryam-Lalonde. “  
“Yeah yeah I get it you're gay can I start talking now? “  
The four friends stood together in the middle of well, nowhere. Some field that was perfect for the “secret discussions under the blanket of the sky,” according to Dave. He insisted that what it was he had to talk about was far more important than the sleep of his friends.  
Dave began to use his sword as a staff and waved it around as he told his three friends to sit.  
Jade and John gave each other slight shakes of the head and sat while Rose simply stared blankly at her brother.  
Dave waved his katana in front of her face, “Rose Maryam-Lalonde sit down and listen to your brother. “  
“Id rather go back home. “  
“Too bad nobody gets to leave until I figure out the mystery. “  
Sighing, she sat down next to John and looked up at Dave.  
“Excellent. Now I'm sure you three are curious as to why the shit I have gathered you here, but the reason is we have a traitor. “  
Jade laughed lightly, “A traitor Dave, really? “  
He paused and then began to pace back and forth, “Yes Jade, a traitor. I have discovered statistics that will shock us all. “  
“Yes Dave, we already know you are 50% irony 50% Karkat Vantas. “  
“I'm not the married one here Rose, but that's not relevant. Anyways, these statistics are even bigger. In normal society 1 out of four people are gay. “  
“Oh no… “  
“John one more peep and you're going to the corner. Anyways, due to the fact everyone we know is at least somewhat gay, that means one in four people are straight. There are four of us, and so, “ Dave (melodramatically) stabbed his sword into the ground and looked around at his friends, “Which one of you is the goddamn straighty. “  
Jade began to laugh, John placed his face in his hands, Rose took a very deep breath.  
Dave took his sword out of the ground and began waving it around again. “Fess up, who is it. I know it's not Rose, she's too gay for her wife and gay in general. Jade, John, one of you will be sacrificed to the homo gods this night. “  
Jade took a moment to get her laughter under control and looked at Dave smiling, “Dave i'm aroace either way, remember? “  
He paused once again, “Oh shit you're right, “ he quickly turned towards John and knelt down, “Alright Egbert, time to confess. Are you the one in four?”  
John shook his head, “Dave, i'm pansexual. “  
Dave stood up and clapped his hands together, “Well that concludes that, all is well, goodnight everybody”  
Rose stood up and shook her head, “I can not believe you woke us up just for this. Actually no, I can. I am not surprised in the slightest that you woke us all up at three in the morning to find out if any of us are not gay as hell, which we all are. “  
“Lmao I know I just love fucking with you all. “  
“I hate you. “  
“You love me. “


End file.
